Mike,
I'm a little less keen on this one than on some of your other poems. Doesn't
mean that it isn't good or won't be good. It's just IMHO.
"Trigger time" is an important phrase in this poem but it doesn't work well
for me. Is it a retrieval of time past in the Proustian sense? I
guess"trigger" suggests something too quick, trivial and mechanical for a
temporal process.
"in pleated skirt like a widow's weeds" I can't follow this I'm afraid. Why
is A like B and what does it mean?
"You'd come with your sister for cover
and as we kiss I'll see again
your youngest suck at the nipple." There is too much going on here for me.
The kiss ought to be quite important but I'm not sure what's its
significance is among the other transactions.
"Your son is the age that you were then, so is your hair and your skin". For
what it matters "so" is not a conjunction. Also how can her hair and skin be
the same age they were then, unless this is short hand for "deteriorating
less rapidly than the rest of her".
The last two lines of the poem could be condensed to good effect.
Best wishes,
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, March 03, 2003 10:41 AM
Subject: New sub: A mother and a daughter
A Mother and a Daughter
On birthdays to come weŽd trigger time.
I, denied the house by your father;
you, in pleated skirt like a widowŽs weeds,
too respectful of a husbandŽs anger,
preferring to wait.
IŽd sneak in the backway,
or wait by a tree.
YouŽd come with your sister for cover
and as we kiss IŽll see again
your youngest suck at the nipple.
Your son is the age that you were then,
so is your hair and your skin,
and the swing of your hips
on the day you were married
at just nineteen.
The tree has been felled
and its ashes are cold.
We stand on the leaves beneath which we had stood,
our only solution, to use time as a trigger.
Mike
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