Hello Colin,
I like the first 1 1/2 stanzas and the final stanza ( minus the line `is it only a dream´) best of this poem. I think if it was mine I would cut the middle section, starting from the word `heaven´ in S2 and try to write a new middle. You´ve got some very nice images in here - `the clouds are stepping stones´ and `walk....on a marbled road´.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Evening Plane Flight
On the ground light dims.
A blanket of fog holds darkness in,
but rising in flight
we reach a second day
where the sun
has not yet set.
The clouds
are stepping stones.
I could walk to the sun
on a marbled road,
heaven some say
beyond an orb of gold.
Others tell
it could be hell out there,
beneath a nuclear eye,
the revelation of fire
with nowhere to hide.
Should I seek or flee?
Another cries:
"All is illusion
on land that seems.
Birds alone pass here,
not human kind,
unless we dream."
Above, the cold world
of new stars
and the emptiness of a second night.
Is it too only a dream,
a film of dust or vapour
I could uncover
to another night
and other stars?
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