Christina,

I'll just piggyback my comments here if that's okay.

You have a great command of language and this poem is a joy to read,
sounding out the words as I go.

I'll outline my thoughts stanza by stanza.

S1.
L1 and 2 make sense having read the poem through. The woman has a thing
about dirt. L3 and 4 continue the contamination theme. Home delivery implies
affluence but this is subsequently refuted in
S2
as she is only ordering in some core and peel. She cooks with the gas at a
peep, possibly to save money. S1 and S2 together imply she is staying in to
avoid the dirt. This must be achieved at any cost. Yes she would have a
dilemma
S3
if there was an urgent need to go out, thereby risking contamination, but
hearing a child through the wall would not in itself imply such a need. Why
would the neighbours be thirsty if they don't share her preoccupations and
could just turn on the tap? However this would be solved if there were other
problems with her reasoning that the reader didn't know about, or if the
neighbour's house was on fire. Also, is there an apostrophe missing from
neighbours? The bottled water accumulated at possible cost
S4.
must now be eked out over a period of time. Is it two to three weeks, months
or years? This probably doesn't matter. At any rate a long time. "Almost
genetic thrift" is a near miss. It emphasises the concept of thrift to
excess, and may be out of keeping with some other parts of the poem (even so
arguably as it would be very plausible that the protagonist was inconsistent
in her thinking). The last two lines show that whatever the difficulties in
her life the rest of the world carries on unconcerned.  Not quite sure what
a pen is, but at any rate a sufficient space for football. The image of the
carefree game contrasts effectively with how trapped this woman is in her
own world.

This is another interesting poem and I hope my comments above indicate what
was going through my mind as I read it.

BW,

Colin


----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, March 01, 2003 3:44 PM
Subject: Re: New sub: Unprepared (first draft)


> I like your linebreaks - the enjambment between stanzas.
>
> Do you want Safeway's?
>
> I love poems that state the pedestrian and elevate the experience into the
> sublime.
>
> kol tuv, Ryfkah
>
>
> In a message dated 03.01.03 5:56:38 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> <<
>         Unprepared >>
>
>