Thanks Mike. You are right. I need to take a closer look at some of those
words that sound good but are floppy in their associations.


Colin


----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, February 27, 2003 10:52 AM
Subject: Re: newsub/forest


Hello Colin,
            I like this piece very much, I like the rhythm of its lines
especially. I think someone has mentioned that they didn´t find a point in
the `narrative´ but I feel that, whilst there is much of the background left
out - who are thses people, why did they leave the forest etc - none of
these details are necessary to the poem itself. I think the detail you´ve
included is sufficient and stands by itself. Just a couple of small things
that I would suggest. You might want to reconsider these words; `dearly´ in
line 2, `peopled´ in line 5, `wistfully´ in line 10 and the line break after
`space´ in line 17.


Best wishes,   Mike



--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
From Forest to Plain


Had our leaving been foreseen
we might have looked more dearly
on the solid forest branches,
the short distances
peopled by orchids and swooping birds,
have loved more before we left them
the waterfalls through undergrowth,
the homeward paths made firm
by familiar feet.
We might have wandered more wistfully
among monkeys we believed were gods,
attended the departing of  fleet deer -
ancestors we heard but did not see.

But these open plains came as a surprise.
We had sought the sun one day
and found ourselves here instead,
in more space
even than the trees had held.
Do they really go on for ever,
these seas of grass?
Where will we voyage
and how will we measure our lives
when the clouds drift so indifferently by?



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