Thanks James. I appreciate these remarks and have printed out for closer
review.


Colin


----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, February 27, 2003 9:20 AM
Subject: Re: newsub/forest


> One good turn deserves another. I think the only quib I'd have with this
one
> Colin is the plethora of adjectives. I've tampered with your text below to
> se what happens when you do this. Hope you don't mind.
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: newsub/forest
> >Date: Wed, 26 Feb 2003 22:18:35 -0000
> >
> >From Forest to Plain
> >
> >
> >Had our leaving been foreseen
> >we might have looked more dearly
> >on the forest branches,
> >the short distances (I'd change this lineto something else)
> >peopled by orchids and birds, (would it be peopled?)
> >have loved more before we left the waterfalls through undergrowth,
> >the homeward paths made firm
> >by familiar feet.
> >We might have wandered more among monkeys we believed were gods,
> >attended the departing of deer -
> >ancestors we heard but did not see. (not clear on this line)
> >
> >these plains came as a surprise. (these? those?)
> >We sought the sun one day
> >and found ourselves here instead,
> >in more space
> >even than the trees had held.
> >Do they really go on for ever,
> >these seas of grass? (seas? - mixed metaphor?)
> >Where will we voyage
> >and how will we measure our lives
> >when the clouds drift so indifferently by?
> >
> >If you really wanted to hack the poem about, the question part of this
> >stanza seemed superflous to the poem and may be better without.
> >
> >____________________________________________
>
>
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