A good shot at a sonnet but a shot only. You have fallen into the same
mistake I fall into continually when writing sonnets. The slip into a
slightly archaic tone.
'proud stones' is 'poetic' ; how are stones proud?? What are 'vowels of
time'?? and I do not understand ' solder blind and stagger the dark'. I am
also struggling with hands being on the polished pick when you perhaps you
mean 'polished pick handle'. As I say it is a fault with me and a personal
problem with sonnet writing.
But as I say a good shot at a sonnet.
I am no expert but I think you will find that the last six lines, the
sextet, is supposed to carry the sonnet's theme, exposed in the octet, to a
higher level. But you do not distinguish between octet and sextet. An
interesting read. Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Philip Burton" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2003 6:52 PM
Subject: new submission: The Bull
The Bull
South of Scotland Electricity Board, 1964
Hands that inhabit no pocket, wrists
bare as cow-hide flecked with Scottish ale,
deft on the polished pick or spade. Blisters
long healed and calloused, archetypal male,
he sings little, speaks less, and satisfies
his own eye in that section of the dig.
He winkles out the proud stones, mortified
till sides are plaster-smooth, gives no fig
for the ragged requirements of overseers,
the vowels of time, dry studies of work.
And jointers, who praise him over the years
as they solder blind and stagger the dark,
know about targets and rings around
and the bull that strays, and won't give ground.
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