Thanks for your comments, they were very helpful and I appreciate the
compliment in spite of the difference of opinion.
Tammara

visit my web site: www.poetrylover.info


-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Mike Horwood
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 12:42 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Rewrite: The Place Where We Are Right

Hello Tammara,
              I think you´ve improved this poem in the second version,
it flows much better now and you´ve removed those phrases which sounded
awkward. Personally, I´m not over-fond of a phrase like `the hidden
truth´ or the concept that `we are all one´, but that´s probably down to
a fundamental difference in how we loook at the world.

Best wishes,   Mike




--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Thanks to useful remarks, especially Mike's, I revised the poem. Tell me
if it works better now.
Tammara




The Place Where We Are Right

Rocky and barren,
The sharp toothed cliffs
of absolute conviction
look over the vast, empty plain
of blind arrogance.
The merciless sun of anger
slices the moon-like landscape
in sharp-edged black and white.
Not a tree, a flower or insect,
not a bird or beast in sight.
In this hostile land
nothing can survive.

But questions and doubts
can drill the hard soil,
compassion can bring in rain clouds
so seeds wouldn't recoil.
Sympathy paints rainbow colors,
understanding brings out the hues,
and the hidden truth
that we are all One
now gains recognition,
bursts forth in a kaleidoscope
of seeming contradictions.