Thanks for the comment, but I wonder why is it a mixture - it's all in
the Present Tense on purpose - to show that the two happen
simultaneously.
Tammara
visit my web site: www.poetrylover.info
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Roger Collett
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 8:54 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Rewrite: The Place Where We Are Right
Also in the second stanza, the mixture of tenses jars a bit,
either replace *can* with *could* OR *wouldn't* with *wont*
??????
Roger.
----- Original Message -----
From: "tammara" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 6:24 AM
Subject: Rewrite: The Place Where We Are Right
> Thanks to useful remarks, especially Mike's, I revised the poem. Tell
me
> if it works better now.
> Tammara
>
>
>
>
> The Place Where We Are Right
>
> Rocky and barren,
> The sharp toothed cliffs
> of absolute conviction
> look over the vast, empty plain
> of blind arrogance.
> The merciless sun of anger
> slices the moon-like landscape
> in sharp-edged black and white.
> Not a tree, a flower or insect,
> not a bird or beast in sight.
> In this hostile land
> nothing can survive.
>
> But questions and doubts
> can drill the hard soil,
> compassion can bring in rain clouds
> so seeds wouldn't recoil.
> Sympathy paints rainbow colors,
> understanding brings out the hues,
> and the hidden truth
> that we are all One
> now gains recognition,
> bursts forth in a kaleidoscope
> of seeming contradictions.
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