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Subject:

Re: The Place Where We Are Right-to Roger

From:

tammara <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Mon, 24 Feb 2003 10:08:09 +0200

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (65 lines)

Thanks for the comment, but I wonder why is it a mixture - it's all in
the Present Tense on purpose - to show that the two happen
simultaneously.
Tammara

visit my web site: www.poetrylover.info


-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Roger Collett
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 8:54 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Rewrite: The Place Where We Are Right

Also in the second stanza, the mixture of tenses jars a bit,
either replace *can* with *could*  OR  *wouldn't* with *wont*
??????

Roger.



----- Original Message -----
From: "tammara" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 6:24 AM
Subject: Rewrite: The Place Where We Are Right


> Thanks to useful remarks, especially Mike's, I revised the poem. Tell
me
> if it works better now.
> Tammara
>
>
>
>
> The Place Where We Are Right
>
> Rocky and barren,
> The sharp toothed cliffs
> of absolute conviction
> look over the vast, empty plain
> of blind arrogance.
> The merciless sun of anger
> slices the moon-like landscape
> in sharp-edged black and white.
> Not a tree, a flower or insect,
> not a bird or beast in sight.
> In this hostile land
> nothing can survive.
>
> But questions and doubts
> can drill the hard soil,
> compassion can bring in rain clouds
> so seeds wouldn't recoil.
> Sympathy paints rainbow colors,
> understanding brings out the hues,
> and the hidden truth
> that we are all One
> now gains recognition,
> bursts forth in a kaleidoscope
> of seeming contradictions.

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