Mike,
An additional thought to throw in here. If you are going for an extended
metaphor it is good to stay objective and not to twist and turn it too much.
However this need not exclude a unifying emotion. Many might not agree but
IMO the grass lacks impact. Reading the poem is almost an intellectual
exercise, decoding metaphor for object. I would look to triangulate metaphor
and object with a unifying emotion. If the metaphor may thereby be made
tactile then the "message" may be felt as it never could be in prosaic form.
I know how hard this is (even if you do agree with this idea) and am used to
falling short.
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Frank Faust" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, February 22, 2003 11:16 PM
Subject: Re: New sub: Act
Hi Mike,
I thought this piece was weakened, or distracted by the opening reference to
a 'creator'. The piece doesn't really hark back to that opening concept,
apart for some attribution to suggest this is why it is as it is, and it
isn't really enough for me. I think it either needs to be a creator poem or
glory in the way things come to be poem, but not jjust a bit of both? I
might be on the wrong tram, though. Please forgive, if so.
Cheers,
Frank.
The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
http://www.tales-of-faust.com/
>Act
>
>A creator works according to a design.
>Closing the gap between what what is and what is to be,
>matter must be fashioned to fit the spiritīs image.
>So boulders are moved, a stream deepened,
>the marsh drained and cleared of tangled stems.
>
>Look now across this bowl of land
>at the edge of a lake
>to where a farmhouse sits on a rise
>with a line of birch trees beyond.
>Look at this grass, darkest in the hollow.
>
>Grass, so dense, so thick and spongy
>it doesnīt seem real,
>seems to preclude the possibility of roots,
>an underworld of dark mud and dampness
>and genesis in the bottomless brown of bog water.
>
>Grass that belongs to limpid air
>and yellow light and the memory of rain.
>Grass that speaks only of coverings,
>and those man-made. Grass that speaks
>only of surfaces, and those unreal.
>
>
>
>
>Mike
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