Philip,
Couple of suggs:
"follicularly" would probably be the best bet.
and in a prev poem
"buffeting of FRONTAL lobes stole away her reason" - more probable this way
and sounds better as a bonus.
In haste,
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Philip Burton" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, February 19, 2003 10:53 PM
Subject: Re: NEW SUBMISSION: FUNGUS
> Thanks, Colin. I hope that it will work on a subconscious level with my
> audience.
>
>
>
> >From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: NEW SUBMISSION: FUNGUS
> >Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 18:53:50 -0000
> >
> >Yes this is a distressing depiction of racism. You satirise it well.
> >
> >Colin
> >
> >
> >----- Original Message -----
> >From: "Philip Burton" <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: <[log in to unmask]>
> >Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2003 2:23 PM
> >Subject: NEW SUBMISSION: FUNGUS
> >
> >
> >This poem was written for a workshop on interpersonal issues related to
> >anti-racism. The target age is KS3 (11-16). It was written for the voice
of
> >Billy Connolly:
> >
> >
> > FUNGUS
> >
> >
> >Your fungus, or facial hair,
> >is horrendous. You don't care
> >that vendors and the makers
> >of shaving tackle are going out of business
> >because of you scruff.
> >
> >You raise incredible hackle.
> >Enough is enough! Can you not feel
> >how insulated you're becoming.
> >Nothing touches your face.
> >I'd need to hit it
> >with a Parliamentary mace
> >or something, to even raise a tickle.
> >And your nose looks like a pickle
> >glued to a coconut.
> >
> >Don't give me any 'but'. It's all beard
> >with you. You're folickly-challenged
> >and you don't regard it as an issue.
> >Take a big wide look in the silvered glass
> >you great furry spook.
> >Make a pass with a razor.
> >Adopt a golf club blazer.
> >You'll be glad you took
> >a smooth transition
> >more in keeping with tradition.
> >
> >Take the long view if I were you.
> >Can you imagine a positively furry
> >Archbishop of Canterbury?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >_________________________________________________________________
> >Worried what your kids see online? Protect them better with MSN 8
>
>http://join.msn.com/?page=features/parental&pgmarket=en-gb&XAPID=186&DI=105
9
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Stay in touch with absent friends - get MSN Messenger
> http://messenger.msn.co.uk
>
>
|