Dear Mike
Thanks for being the first one who has made poetical remarks. You're
probably right on the technical points, I'll consider them in the
rewrite. About the unity of all things and the contradictions - that's
the whole point! All the seemingly contradicting things like light and
dark, good and bad etc, actually unite in the God presence that pervades
the universe.
Tammara

visit my web site: www.poetrylover.info


-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Mike Horwood
Sent: Wednesday, February 19, 2003 1:25 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: The Place Where We Are Right

Hello Tammara,
              At a general level I can certainly agree with the
sentiment of this poem - certainty of the rightness of one´s own
convictions is a horrible thing. Here are a few observations on the
poetic aspects of the piece. I felt the opening of first stanza lost
something from its repetition of the same device, I mean the pattern of
`a place + is + a definition´ because it reads rather too much like a
list. I have some reservations about the word `self-conviction´. Also
the word `smitten´, which feels a bit too archaic to me. I like the
metaphor `the sun of our anger´ and the line that follows it, but I
think that the line `distinctly divided areas´ really reapeats the point
made by `black and white´.  In the second stanza I get a bit confused
between the `truth of the unity´ and the `kaleidoscope of
contradictions´. And both of these phrases individually bother me as
they seem to be so vague as to be actually without meaning whilst
sounding portentous. I find myself asking, what truth of unity? and I
find no answer. 
I hope these points are useful.


Best wishes,   Mike





The place where we are right
is rocky and barren.
The sharp toothed cliffs
of our self-conviction
look over the vast, empty plain
of blind arrogance.
The moon-like landscape is smitten
by the merciless sun of our anger,
slicing the view into black and white,
distinctly divided areas.
Not a tree, a flower or insect,
not a bird or beast in sight.
In this hostile land
nothing can survive.

But doubts and questions
can drill the rocky soil,
compassion blows in rain clouds
and seeds wouldn't recoil.
Sympathy paints rainbow colors,
understanding brings out the hues,
and the truth of the unity of all there is
that has been hidden for eons
now gains recognition,
bursts forth in a kaleidoscope
of contradictions.