Thanks for the read Bob these are very much under revision and I'm sure your
comments will help.You might read my reply to Grasshopper to show you the
direction I am heading. Regards Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 18, 2003 5:20 PM
Subject: Re: new submission: FUNGUS
Hi Philip,
What a great poem! I love the way the rhythm and the rhymes work in
emphasising the pell-mell energy. And the ending's got it's own satisfying
twist too. It's a fine voice you've found - and I'm not at KS3, and I enjoy
it too!
I might be tempted to start it:
"Your fungus,
your facial hair..."
- where, with my voice, I hear the guy who(apostrophe)s speaking won't be
into saying "or" but will be straight in there! It's the sort of poem
that's got an unwritten "Hey" before the first word... and it won't get
interrupted as it goes on!
Bob
>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new submission: FUNGUS
>Date: Fri, 14 Feb 2003 19:43:13 +0000
>
>I wrote this for a workshop on anti-racism (My poems take an oblique
>approach as you will appreciate). The age-range is KS3. It is delivered in
>best Billy Connolly/headteacher voice:
>
>FUNGUS
>
>
>Your fungus
>or facial hair
>is horrendous
>but you don't care!
>
>The vendors
>and the makers
>of shaving tackle
>are going out of business
>because of you scruff.
>
>You raise incredible hackle.
>Enough is enough!
>Can you not feel
>how insulated you're becoming.
>Nothing touches your face.
>I'd need to hit it
>with a Parliamentary mace
>or something
>to even raise a tickle.
>And your nose looks like a pickle
>glued to a coconut.
>
>Don't give me any 'but'.
>It's all beard with you.
>You're folickly-challenged.
>You don't regard it as an issue.
>Take a big wide look
>in the silvered glass.
>You're a great bearded spook.
>Make a pass with a razor.
>Adopt a golf club blazer.
>You'll be glad you took
>a smooth transition
>more in keeping with tradition.
>
>Take the long view
>if I were you.
>Can you imagine
>A positively furry
>Archbishop of Canterbury?
>
>
>
>
>
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