Hi Sally,
I had a friend (well, I still have) who once wrote poem after poem about
feet and shoes. She writes as Barbara Bentley? She used to go to Manchester
Poets (but I don't know if she still gets to Manky Poets). She sort of
introduced me to the possibilities of using shoes and feet to reveal very
deep feelings. He-he, I'd spend days glancing down at people's feet and
shoes (if you're reading this Perpetua, read on - it didn't last!). I think
you've got a story here in your poem that works as well as any I've read...
One thing I would consider doing with the poem is considering where
sentences end and add one or two full stops (maybe a comma or two) - I don't
think they'd intrude... (and I think the whole piece as one stanza looks OK,
feels OK for the flow of the piece... that's why I'm thinking of the
subtleties of punctuation).
Bob
>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new sub shoes
>Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 17:03:28 +0000
>
>inspired by Christina's poem about feet
>
>Shoes
>
>When I think of shoes
>I think of his
>polished to high heaven
>squashed inside a wooden box
>not long enough to take his size
>he was smart, looked handsome
>I fancied him
>in his dinner dance attire
>head cold as marble
>on my lips, yet felt his warmth
>when I read the poem to him
>written two years before
>knowing he would tramp his way
>without me soon
>then I followed one step behind
>writing poems in my head
>playing with the dogs
>hear him stumble for his breath
>as narrowed arteries chugged and clogged
>so when I think of shoes
>I think of footprints in the snow
>feet squashed inside a wooden box
>and a memory that will not let go.
>
>Sally James
>
>
>
>
>
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