Hi Ryfkah
I liked the poem very much, you manage to create the right atmosphere in
very few words. Just one thing: I understand the desire to have the word
"laughing" repeated as a chorus line but the problem is that it's not
clear who's laughing and why. Sara wasn't laughed at - on the contrary,
she was the lady of the house of Abraham, no one dared stand up to her.
But when you finish the first stanza with "all the women" and then comes
the word "laughing" it reads as if they were laughing at her which is
completely not true. The only laughing that was made was by Sara herself
as a reaction to the news of the angels, and that point isn't clear in
your poem.
Kol Tuv
Tammara

visit my web site: www.poetrylover.info


-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Ryfkah *
Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 8:53 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: New: For You Shall Be Blessed

For You Shall Be Blessed

Laughing

We leave for a strange land
Our tent stacked with sacks
I gather my cookware
weaving boards  gems
and dowry riches
all the women

Laughing

The sun winks at the horizon
I spark two flames
to keep
and remember the seventh day
Angels collect within my light

Laughing

  Sarah
the wind whiffs
as myrrh and frankincense
  Go forth to this new land
  for you shall be blessed
I consider last night's dream
a son cradled to my breast
hope held like candlelight
in a narrow dark birth canal

Laughing

I unfasten all four tent flaps
so the stranger in this strange
land can sample our welcome
A baby naps upon my lap

Laughing

Ryfkah 2/14/03