>From: Sarah Peters <[log in to unmask]>
> Constructive criticism welcome:
>
> The Cur
>
Sarah:
I liked the opening a lot, so I didn't want to let go till I'd worried it to
bits. I fiddled with bits, largely along the lines others have already
suggested: truncate the end (almost), cut out a lot of repetition where it
didn't seem to be adding anything. Anyway, I thought it might be more
practically useful for me to recast it in a way you can immediately reject
or accept than just talk about it. And ignore my punctuation, please. I
don't do punctuation . . .
Best,
T
The Cur
After the first year,
he'd allow me to pat his head
if I was calmly seated.
If I stood,
he'd creep behind,
touch the back
of my knees
with his cold nose.
His gracefully perfect body
was built for speed,
could stop a squirrel,
possum, rat
dead in its tracks.
He ran
for fear,
for joy.
Head diamond-shaped,
cheekbones jutting,
almond eyes,
fur caramel, red
under the sun.
He seemed to know
what he was doing.
I didn't stop him.
Before he was done,
he had bitten:
the landlord,
a magazine photographer,
a marching child,
my mother weeding.
Only one mistake,
one miscalculation:
the animal sanctuary director.
He slept immediately, she said,
never felt a thing.
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