Reading Chekhov again last night (he's one of my favourite writers).
Nina's speech in The Seagull gets me every time: one can of course
never be sure about such impertinent speculation, but I have always
felt that it is Chekhov himself speaking through Nina, about what he
thinks art is about. Nina is often played as a victim, but I think
that's a mistake; she's the only one with courage in the whole play.
Chekhov of course knew all about endurance...
I can't resist quoting from it. Nina, who disastrously left home to
become an actress, is visiting Trepylov, a young writer, who she
hasn't seen in two years; her former lover, the succesful writer
Tregorin, who abandoned her, is in another room.
NINA ... And he's here... Yes, it doesn't matter... Yes, he didn't
believe in the theatre, he went on mocking my dreams, and little by
little I too stopped believing and lost heart... And then came the
troubles of love, petty jealousy, the constant fear for my child... I
became petty, worthless, I acted mindlessly ... I didn't know what to
do with my hands, I didn't know how to stand on the stage, wasn't in
control of my voice. You can't understand what it's like to feel
you're acting terribly. I am a seagull. No, that's not right ... Do
you remember, you shot a seagull? A man came along, saw it and
killed it, from having nothing to do... A plot for a short story.
No, that's not right... [Rubs her forehead] What was I...? I was
talking about the stage. Now I am not so... I am now a real actress,
I act with enjoyment, with ecstasy, I get intoxicated on the stage
and feel that I'm beautiful. And now, while I've been staying here,
I've walked everywhere, I walk and walk, and think, think and feel
how every day my spiritual powers grow ... Kostya, I know now, I
understand. In what we do - whether we act on the stage or write -
the most important thing isn't fame or glory or anything I used to
dream about - but the ability to endure. To know how to bear your
cross and have faith. I have faith and my pain is less, and when I
think about my vocation, I'm not afraid of life.
(From Anton Chekhov: Plays, Penguin Classics)
Best
A
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Alison Croggon
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