Anny Ballardini wrote:
>
> I also noticed "Balances" and read it more than once, and coming from the
> movie Frida (Kahlo) and having just finished All my sons/The Crucible/Death
> of a Salesman/View from the bridge all in a breath it feels like imploding,
> and the osteopath whom for the first time I consulted a couple of weeks ago
> and told me his work would evolve in three weeks with my constant attention
> to my bones
> anyhow I couldn't but think of Rudolf Steiner who built his theater within a
> skull which having been burnt by the Jesuits (they say) was reconstructed by
> the same Steiner and this time not in wood but in concrete and is still
> there, I went to see it.
> (with his picture hanging everywhere and all these people studying his
> theories and painting in the same way following his ideas, how strange after
> all.)
> i could invent, and this is what I wrote last night:
>
> clean
>
> i want two white ducks in the pond
> in the garden in front of a green house
> linked by a cobbled path to town
> cutting through the woods
>
> and i want to see the sun
> every morning through my windows
> and the smell of the breeze moving each crispy petal
> of the flowers i've planted around the pond
>
> and follow the slow movement of the moon
> in its long trip through the stars
> let it slide in the dark in all its forms
> and listen to the jumping water of creeks
>
>
Anny, I think the last line is both rhythmically and conceptually weak,
and the verb in the first line of that stanza should be in the
infinitive, "to follow." Otherwise, a charming poem.
|