Those beyond this benighted shore may gain some understanding of American
education, those who live here may weep with laughter, and then some.

 >
 > The following were answers provided by 6th graders during history tests.
 >
 > Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the misspelling.
 >
 > 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
 > hydraulics.
 > They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that
 > all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
 >
 > 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
 >
 > bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on
 > Mount
 > Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached
 > Canada.
 >
 > 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
 >
 > 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
 > couldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
 > moth.
 >
 > 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
 > advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
 > After
 > his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
 >
 > 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
 > threw the java.
 >
 > 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The
 > Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made
 > king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee he,Brutus."
 >
 > 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
 >
 > 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
 >
 > When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
 >
 > 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
 > Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
 > Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
 > Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
 >
 > and started smoking.
 > Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
 >
 > 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
 > was
 > born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
 > money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
 > comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
 > Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be
 > laid by Juliet.
 >
 > 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
 > wrote
 > Donkey Hotel. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
 > paradise
 > Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
 >
 > 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
 > Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
 > singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
 > electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided
 > against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
 >
 > 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
 > mother
 > died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
 > own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
 >
 > Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
 > theatre
 > and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
 > They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
 > actor. This ruined Booth's career.
 >
 > 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
 > number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he
 > kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
 > most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
 > German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
 >
 > 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
 > wrote
 > loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
 > calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
 >
 > 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
 > inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
 > by
 > machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
 > spring up. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin
 > was
 > a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered
 >
 > the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.