Nicely done, Gary.
I think comparing version 1 with version 2 tends to support the argument
that 21 syllables are preferable to 31 in an English tanka.
Regards,
David
But sometimes 3 5 doesn't come to me. I blame the poet's shortfalls not the
form.
Folks new to the form nearly always gravitate to 5 7. Those who have done
English tanka for awhile seem to prefer 3 5.
Thanks.
Gary
BTW, I wrote this stand alone for Niji-san:
Frost covers
white camellias,
winters end.
Inside, iris bulbs rot
never to bloom again.
Feb guest is TE Ballard and Gar does garbage at:
http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html,
Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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