on 27/2/02 12:04 am, grasshopper at [log in to unmask]
wrote:

> Dear Sally,
> I feel it might be stronger if you regularised the syllable count and metre.
> Also I think the stanza that begins: "I never heard such utter rot" is by
> far the weakest and could be omitted. Pish is handy to rhyme with fish, but
> I don't think it carries the negative weight the poem calls for, and
> similarly I think 'utter rot' is a bit too jokey for the resentment that I
> feel is expressed in the rest of the poem.
> I think the bitterer the better with this poem.
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
You're quite right grassy, thanks the stanza has gone. I doubt if I'll be
keeping the poem, it was a negative feelings jotter, but you learn with
everything. Sally
>
> ----- Original Message -----
>
> From: "Sally Evans" <[log in to unmask]>
>
> Subject:      New:  Jesus   : warning: anti-Christian
> Date: 26 February 2002 23:07
>
> warning
>
>
> anti christian
>
>
> you might be offended if you are a strict Christian
>
>
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> JESUS
>
> I haven't forgiven Jesus
> (though he's forgiven me)
> for frightening me as a child
> making me stoop on bended knee
>
> not to the great wide universe
> but to a narrow god,
> routing the bright plurality
> for one cussed despot.
>
> Nor for my hair being cut so short,
> my dresses sober black and grey,
> for hanging on a dirty cross
> when I desired to dance and play
>
> for taking credit for the flowers
> and lovely things that still crept in
> to the universe he occupied
> with so much thought of sin,
>
> for taking in my parents
> whose fault I think it wasn't
> (because I loved them more than him).
> He loves me? No he doesn't -
>
> he wants me in his hockey team
> he wants me on his side,
> he wants me to get up and say
> it was for me he died.
>
>
> I don't want his forgiveness
> and I don't admire his  god.
> I'd rather think that everything
> just happened out of mud.
>
> And he if ever listened
> to what stared him in the face,
> he'd stop saying he'd forgiven me
> and just get off my case.
>
>
>
> Sally Evans