I can see Grasshopper's point, Gary but if you
followed his line throughout you would have to take
out the mirroring 'still...still...' which works well
for me. Indeed I would liketo see the shaping
sutained into the latter half of the poem which
pursues a different form.
cheers, cara
--- grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
wrote: > Dear Gary,
> For me the repetition was a tad overdone, but that
> is your call. I'd prefer
> something a little less insistent, like:
> Green the driveway gravel,
> and the farmhouse shakes,
> green the thistle behind the barn,
> and the grass unwatered since Flag Day.
>
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Gary B" <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Saturday, February 23, 2002 10:39 PM
> Subject: New: Green Grows Summer's Brown
>
> (c and c please. The the's in S2 and 3 are
> delibrate for the mood I sense.
> Your thoughts welcome.
>
> Green Grows Summer's Brown
>
> Lightning brushes across the South ridge,
> from bulge to edge, Gaia's eyes flash.
>
> Green the driveway gravel,
> green the farmhouse shakes,
> green the thistle behind the barn,
> green the grass unwatered since Flag Day.
>
> Thunder clashes among the clouds,
> from hill to valley, Gaia's voice cries.
>
> Still the robins in the wild plums,
> still the cattle huddled near the barn,
> still both hound and the coon he will hunt,
> still the child who waits supper.
>
> The sky is green tonight,
> the sky turns orange as evening fades.
>
> The sky, orange, is as bright
> as the new box at the neighbors.
>
> And on the lawn
> under Gaia's gaze and voice,
> we forget how brown our lives.
> and stand in wonder
> as when She and we were young
> and believed
> grass was always green.
>
> Feb guest is TE Ballard and Gar does garbage at:
> http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html,
>
> Poets for Peace. ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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