Sorry to have almost irritated you, Grasshopper.  And
thank you for the candid appraisal.

I agree that the end is the most problematic part of
this problematic poem.
 Note on the vegan sandwich: its actually very hard to
find vegan food in the usual eating-places but Beanos
does vegan sandwiches all flagged up and ready to go.

The Victoria Quarter tends to be a bit smart and
perhaps only the highly-motivated, like Laura, would
wish to sandwich there.
cheers, cara

--- grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
wrote: > Dear Cara,
>  I think this has the potential to be a very good
> poem but it feels the
> wrong shape to me as it is. I can't see any reason
> for the line-breaks, and
> the shortness of some lines is almost irritating.
> Perhaps longer lines would
> suit the narrative flow better.
>  The end isn't right yet, I feel. These words "This
> happens to be true ",
> tend to undercut the reader's position at that
> point. And the strange thing
> is that by stating it's true, you immediately cast
> doubt on the truth of the
> poem,-it strikes me as risky to do that.
>  By the way, as a vegan, I'm not too happy about the
> vegan sandwich, LOL!,
> is it supposed to identify a certain type of
> personality?
> Kind regards,
>  grasshopper
>
>
>
>     From: "cara may" <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Friday, February 22, 2002 2:24 PM
> Subject: New Sub: In the Victoria Quarter
>
> --            In the Victoria Quarter
>
>
>
>     The ceiling, reputed to be
>     the largest stained-glass ceiling in Europe;
>     the sculptured bench, stapled to the
>     mosaic floor;
>     Laura, knees together,
>     elbows close to her ribs,
>     eating her vegan
>     sandwich;
>     next to her the woman,
>     with the scarf, hat
>     jacket, shoes,
>     disjointed statements
>     of former fashion;
>
>     the woman edging slightly
>     closer;
>     Laura brushing crumbs
>     from her lap;
>     the woman speaking
>     as though she has
>     never been silent;
>    'I am a widow,' she says,
>    'I came from Athens
>     forty years ago
>     and now
>     I am a widow.
>     When my husband was alive
>
>     we had friends,
>     made merry.
>     Now I am a widow
>     they no longer come
>     to my house.
>     I do not understand
>     In Greece it is not so:
>     women, those who are widows,
>     are cared for
>     not left alone.
>     I am a neglected widow,
>     in England.'
>     The brown age-spots
>     stand proud on her face and hands.
>
>     Laura folds the paper bag
>     to trap the rest of the crumbs.
>    'Perhaps,' she says 'they are
>     embarrassed.'
>    'Perhaps,' she says, 'they do
>     not like to intrude.'
>    'Perhaps,' she says, 'they are
>     waiting for you
>     to make the first move.'
>     The widow pleats her lip,
>     pinches the fabric of her skirt,
>     does not agree.
>
>    'I'm sorry. I must go,' says Laura.
>    'I have an appointment.'
>
>     This happens to be true though
>     each of them is uneasy
>     that it had to be said.

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