Hi Sally,
I'd say take out the stuff you bracketed and finish on "no end to them". Any
longer and it could start to become unbearable but stands up to the "the"
repetition as far as it goes. It could be quite insistent and compelling in
a reading.
bw
James
>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Hyperpoem: A New Song for Simeon
>Date: Sun, 24 Feb 2002 17:24:43 +0000
>
>Hyperpoem: A New Song for Simeon
>
>(And I have known them all already, known them all)
>
>
>And I have known them all already, known them all:
>the logs lying on beaches in Australia,
>the ships going through the Panama canal;
>the elephant playing with paints provided
> by the recipient of the Indian equivalent
> of an arts council project grant;
>the great films and the worthy books
>the words in the books and the cumulative effect
> of the cellulose frames in the film;
>the lame excuses and protestations
>the mussels in the river without pearls
> and the mussels destroyed for pearls
>the stag baying on the hillside
>the ant scurrying under the antirrhinums;
>the stories of survival at sea written
> by those who have actually survived;
>the walls of castles become insecure with age
> and the neglect of the owners;
>the turrets of castles built high and mighty
> on the skyline;
>a football crowd of Scots going home
> after being defeated by the English;
>the cousin, the second cousin, the business associate,
> the intractable daughter and the aunt,
>the pampered animal and the stray aniimal;
>the records played loudly and regularly on the radio;
>the musicians on city pavements carrying their
> odd-shaped musical instrument in cases;
>the leaves falling off the forest trees,
> and those that remain on their trees;
>the children filing into school, and the soldiers
> scattered over the battlefield;
>water turning to ice, desired and not desired;
>mankind who cannot be called happy until he is dead,
> but often makes a good job of the impossible;
>the boat coming in to the beach, the long crossed letter,
> the aeroplane, and the email,
>[this poem may be extended by the reader,
> but wonąt be because he has already heard enough]
>And I have known them all already, known them all,
> no end to them
>till there is only one surprise left, if it is one,
> and it isnąt the world which will end.
>
>
>Sally Evans
bw
James
_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com
|