Dear Cara,
I think this has the potential to be a very good poem but it feels the
wrong shape to me as it is. I can't see any reason for the line-breaks, and
the shortness of some lines is almost irritating. Perhaps longer lines would
suit the narrative flow better.
The end isn't right yet, I feel. These words "This happens to be true ",
tend to undercut the reader's position at that point. And the strange thing
is that by stating it's true, you immediately cast doubt on the truth of the
poem,-it strikes me as risky to do that.
By the way, as a vegan, I'm not too happy about the vegan sandwich, LOL!,
is it supposed to identify a certain type of personality?
Kind regards,
grasshopper
From: "cara may" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, February 22, 2002 2:24 PM
Subject: New Sub: In the Victoria Quarter
-- In the Victoria Quarter
The ceiling, reputed to be
the largest stained-glass ceiling in Europe;
the sculptured bench, stapled to the
mosaic floor;
Laura, knees together,
elbows close to her ribs,
eating her vegan
sandwich;
next to her the woman,
with the scarf, hat
jacket, shoes,
disjointed statements
of former fashion;
the woman edging slightly
closer;
Laura brushing crumbs
from her lap;
the woman speaking
as though she has
never been silent;
'I am a widow,' she says,
'I came from Athens
forty years ago
and now
I am a widow.
When my husband was alive
we had friends,
made merry.
Now I am a widow
they no longer come
to my house.
I do not understand
In Greece it is not so:
women, those who are widows,
are cared for
not left alone.
I am a neglected widow,
in England.'
The brown age-spots
stand proud on her face and hands.
Laura folds the paper bag
to trap the rest of the crumbs.
'Perhaps,' she says 'they are
embarrassed.'
'Perhaps,' she says, 'they do
not like to intrude.'
'Perhaps,' she says, 'they are
waiting for you
to make the first move.'
The widow pleats her lip,
pinches the fabric of her skirt,
does not agree.
'I'm sorry. I must go,' says Laura.
'I have an appointment.'
This happens to be true though
each of them is uneasy
that it had to be said.
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