Hey, that's what I like...some specific crits.
Thanks very much, consider it done!
Cheerwell, Mary :O)
--- Sally James <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Wow, to feel like this must be marvelous. You seem to have kept the
> tense for me. Such a good poem so don't like to crit but maybe "had"
> could become "has"? Sally
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Arthur
> Sent: 03 January 2002 19:21
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: New Sub: The Goddess Formula
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Maryann Hazen-Stearns" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thursday, January 03, 2002 5:54 PM
> Subject: New Sub: The Goddess Formula
>
>
> > Hi there Friends and Poets,
> >
> > Here's a new one this morning. C&C welcome, I'm concerned about the
> tense.
> > Have I kept it? :)
> >
> > ~*~
> >
> > The Goddess Formula
> >
> >
> > She breathes as though the rise
> > and fall of her breasts gives birth
> > to each sunrise and sunset. She dances
> >
> > as though her skin were ablaze with fireflies
> > wishing to be dashed into the dark
> > and she sways as if the darkness
> >
> > were poised between her thighs anxious
> > for the tiny bright fluttering of their wings
> > and she sings. She laughs as though the joy
> >
> > in her throat would feed the world.
> > As though the hungry need merely wait
> > at the gate of her mouth. She shouts Take It
> >
> > as if everyone had hands and Give It
> > as though each pocket were full
> > and she cries as though the very beast of life
> >
> > leaping within her heart had escaped
> > and she fights as though her last breath
> > was being inhaled at the twilight of dawn.
> >
> > ~*~
> >
> > Cheerwell, Mary :O)
> >
> >
> > =====
> > Good Cheer & Be Well,
> > Maryann Hazen-Stearns
> > "Under The Limbo Stick"
> > http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
> > also available at these locations:
> > http://www.vivisphere.com http://www.amazon.com
> >
> > __________________________________________________
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=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen-Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick"
http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
also available at these locations:
http://www.vivisphere.com http://www.amazon.com
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