Hi James, you make a good point here. In so far as the zip is a haiku in
English it's worth considering that the Jap. haiku only emerged as a
stand-alone verse taken from a longer sequence. To be analagous the zip
stanza must therefore be emminently suitable for extended sequences.
In the Japanese tradition the 'long' stanza 5'7'5 alternates with the
'short' stanza 7'7 - the different metres being considered a way of
ensuring dynamic movement. The zip short stanza is eleven syllables with
two pauses. This from a work in progress:
--
the crook of the stick is the curve
of the rock where the road ends
did you know there were chimneys in the forest
February's wind clips
the hollow clop of hooves dancing
clouds thread the pillars of stone through the grave yard
Every good wish, John
----- Original Message -----
Hi Sally,
Yes, lovely. I think the skill in doing a series of zips is to combine
their
ability to stand alone and join together. You succeed admirably here. I
particularly like the end zip with the lost gloves and sudden realisation
of
where they are, it stops what came before seeming over serious.
bw
James
>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New - revised forest zips
>Date: Sat, 2 Feb 2002 11:40:54 +0000
>
>These zips are getting a bit more confident. I've changed most of them and
>and a couple of new ones have been added. Any last comments?
>
>FOREST ZIPS
>
>unseen guests by running water
> in the snow sika deer slots
>
>
> on the hill bracken listens
>as deaf leaves turn from brown to grey
>
>
>river swollen treetrunks drowned
> the bright mole digs in higher ground
>
>
>curtain of glass a white net rill
> trees drip drip on wet slate path
>
>
>salmon leap a pool, a rock
> no salmon air is poised for plop
>
>
>apple thicket stumble on stumps
> nearly lost an ancient grove
>
>
>look at that cairn where I left
>my blue suede gloves on the skyline
bw
James
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