Arthur, I think this is a soldier whose
officers/colleagues have arranged his compassionate
leave. You could try the historic present tense. You
would then have to say
'I lay my book aside' but this more active form may be
preferable. I find a lovely economy in the phrasing
for the most part. (I think you could do without the
last two lines). The image of the folding of the
sheets from the line is brilliant since it seems to
make a connection with the work of the mother back
home (I know today it would be sexist to suggest this
but I presume we are dealing with an earlier time).
How about 'chased over grass'?
cheers, cara
--- Arthur <[log in to unmask]> wrote: >
> Above the low murmur, my name,
>
> beyond the thin curtains.
>
> My book laid aside,
>
> I went out into the glare
>
>
>
> of their scrutiny. They stood
>
>
>
> gathered under trees
>
> where light through leaves
>
> chased over the grass
>
>
>
>
> and drifts of kapok blew.
>
> They waited as I read the message.
>
> My mother, somewhere, at home,
>
> home , somewhere, my mother was dying.
>
>
> Staring, they watched
>
> as I folded the paper neat as a
>
> bed-sheet fresh from the line
>
> and tucked it into the breast pocket
>
>
>
>
> of my chilled, soaked shirt.
>
> I turned to find my long road
>
> as waves lapped the jetty
>
> stirred by a wind from the west.
>
>
>
>
> In silence I turned my back upon them,
>
> my face toward home.
>
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Everything you'll ever need on one web page
from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts
http://uk.my.yahoo.com
|