I use other people's stories and sentiments in my poems too and still use
the first person because it makes it easier for me to get in touch with what
the sentiment is. Sometimes I mix my own experience with others (and maybe
things that never happened) to make a composite poem. Aids the illusion I'm
having an interesting life. Shouldn't be a problem with this unless
confidentiality. (No person can be identified from it, hopefully). When it
comes to slicing and dicing in literature (by whoever) I would like to think
that it is justified by the attempt to get down to something essential so
that others can benefit in some way. This poem feels like it is going down
this road.
Colin
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Frank Faust [SMTP:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Sunday, December 29, 2002 8:18 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: sub: a shooting star in emergency - barbara O
>
> Wow Barbara,
>
> you've done a huge amount of work for me on this. Thank you. At first
> glance
> I see the sense of your comments - they look good.
>
> I'm glad of the help, because knowing where to begin with the slicing and
> dicing has felt a little beyond me. It is not my story, but that of a
> close
> friend, as told to me - the 'first person' is my friend. I always feel odd
> when I take someone else's story and then write it in 1st person - like an
> intruder, or a thief, so it is difficult for me to get to the point of
> even
> feeling I have a right to the poem, let alone working it over, but that is
> clearly what is needed and I'll try to salvage it - make it tighter for a
> more consistent read that doesn't stray into inappropriate territory.
>
> Again,
>
> Thank you.
>
> Cheers,
>
> Frank
>
>
>
> The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
> http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm
>
>
>
>
> >
> >This reminds me of my 'Sarah' poem the first time I submitted it. I had
> >madly written down my feelings as soon as I came in the door trying to
> >process all that had happened that night. I then put it to a couple of
> >lists
> >before I edited it down to where it is today. I would trim this some,
> >maybe
> >not just now, but you will see where it needs it in the days to come, as
> >the
> >emotion recedes some. For one, I would begin with 'I feel I am a
> >bookend...'
> >
> >I have put a few thoughts below. Not by any means a finished edit.
> >Hopefully some thoughts to help get your creative juices going. You'll
> >know
> >if some of this sounds right or not.
> >
> >But my main thought is that this is a poem about what happened at the end
> >and
> >that what needs to be trimmed is anything that takes away from the
> telling
> >of
> >that event.
> >
> >I would change the title to 'Bookends'
> >
> >Thanks for your recent note and hug,
> >Barbara
>
>
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