Hi Grassy,

Thanks for commenting. The response seems to be very consistent and I shall
heed it. Brutal hack slash and see what's left. Difficult to know quite
where to start, but I'll find out LOL.

Thanks again, hope Chrissy was as good as could be for you.

Cheers,

Frank



The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
http://www.hotkey.net.au/~flp/F_index.htm





>Dear Frank,
>        I think this is what is called a journal poem, which is like a
>diary
>entry, which means a lot to the author, but needs more work to convey the
>significance to a reader.
>  The he and she in the poem didn't engage me, because I know nothing about
>that them- ditto the unidentified simple person who has died - the
>assumption is that because they are important to the narrator, that is
>enough to endue them with significance, but it doesn't happen for me. As a
>result, the writing feels self-indulgent, and I lost interest before the
>end.
>The shooting star imagery seemed to me tacked on as an attempt to poeticize
>the piece,but,for me, it just showed up how prosaic the rest of the poem
>was.
>  I suggest a re-think -perhaps taking the explicit 'I' out of the poem and
>concentrating on the couple,because the part about the death needs more
>integration or, writing about in the the first person, as a third person in
>this relationship, then I think it needs to be better anchored in a
>narrative.
>I'm sorry if this seems very negative, because there are obviously strong
>feelings that inspired the writing, but the mechanics of the poem aren't
>successful as it stands,
>Kind regards,
>  grasshopper



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