Hi Arthur,
Yeh, I can see your dilemna...
If it ain't possible to be more accurate with the word turns (it might be
possible - but, again, it might not...) it might help to include the word
"So" at the start of the couplet - and get rid of the dash - and start the
last line with "its"
Do you think that minimizes the issue a little more...? At least it might
mean the word "again" could remain where it is - cos I like what it's doing
(and where it's doing it!)
Bob






>From: arthur seeley <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Solstice ( Bob)
>Date: Sat, 21 Dec 2002 15:00:08 -0000
>
>In a sense Bob the 'turns' is too loose. The Earth's orbit is elliptic and
>so it continuously moves from a straight path and in that sense 'turns' all
>the time, where I am actually thinking of it returning us to our longer
>days
>and warmer times. However the poem is a piece of creative writing and not a
>scientific thesis *grin* Arthur.----- Original Message -----
>From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Saturday, December 21, 2002 2:06 PM
>Subject: Re: Solstice
>
>
> > Hi Arthur,
> > A fine poem! Simplicity is brill ain't it just.
> > I'm reminded of an A.R. Ammonds poem called Small Song (that's also
>short):
> >
> > "The reeds give
> > way to the
> >
> > wind and give
> > the wind away"
> >
> > But you extend your piece much further... the brownish hue of Pennine
>water
> > is really caught with the word "burnished" as well. It's a canny word
>that
> > evokes coldness as well! The jolt I feel with "the earth turns again"
> > (because I usually feel the world must revolve smoothly - so the word
> > "again" is interesting!).
> > Bob
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > >From: arthur seeley <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: Solstice
> > >Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2002 06:12:34 -0000
> > >
> > >           Solstice
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Reeds divide the wind
> > >
> > >beside the burnished tarn.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Under a winter moon
> > >
> > >sided sleet re-shapes the moor.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >The earth turns again-
> > >
> > >the silent hurtle into spring.
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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