Thanks Bob. I've learnt to keep going with things, so as I write more
sonnets they will become less clunky. I disagreed with the assessment on
concentrating on the one subject. The living things who populate the poem
are central to it and the poem is trying to say that although they are all
very diferent with different interests they all share and are drawn too the
same place here. However, I always value the detailed and incisive comments
you make  on my own and many others work and will take this into
considration too. Mery Christmas.



bw
James





>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: (well almost) Fishing sonnet
>Date: Tue, 17 Dec 2002 19:16:47 +0000
>
>Hi James,
>I'm sorry, I just can't get this to work for me. I sense, in places, it may
>be the grammer; in other places it may be the flow, or move, from one
>subject to another.
>It might be that the poem seems to jerk from one thing to another...
>whereas
>I tend to feel sonnets have to change their directions with a kind of
>suppleness.
>I'm wondering, as well, if everything were focused on the fish, OR the
>anglers (OR even the geese?) it may cohere a little easier. All the water,
>(many) anglers, (many geese), (lots of) fish and comments about the "wider
>landscape"! H'm, as a poem this seems in danger of being "the one that got
>away!" (- unless y manage to narrow the focus a little?)
>Bob
>
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New sub: (well almost) Fishing sonnet
>>Date: Sat, 14 Dec 2002 12:38:06 +0000
>>
>>I osted this a few weeks ago to universal unacclaim but much encouragement
>>for which I thank you all who commented. Here's another go at the sonnet.
>>
>>FISHING, NOT FISHING
>>
>>With the tide out on the estuary
>>both banks have drawn closer,
>>anglers and geese, each seasoned loungers
>>in the sun who crave this sanctuary.
>>
>>Their attention to water level
>>is much older than thispassing moment,
>>with occasional nods to water movement
>>and ingore all midday razzle-dazzle.
>>
>>Neither cares about the wider landscape
>>or watches background colour and shade,
>>here the best way to fish is not for debate
>>as each knows the way of nature is to keep instep.
>>
>>The fish today avoid the lure of unsavoury bait
>>while all distain, with perfect ease, the cliche'd.
>>
>>
>>
>>bw
>>James
>>
>>
>>
>>
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