Jmes, I wonder why call it a sonnet except perhaps for your use of the 6, 8
and final couplet.
Is the end aware of the metaphor?
To me, at least one more of these rhyme sets is need in the 8:
grab the essence of life as earthen stones repel rays
sent through on clearer days,
I wonder if this line is needed:
on the water before you -
though it leave you with 13
The second line below is 18 count or there abouts. I would not exceed 12 in
any, so would bread before like which solves the problem of the line I took
away
though still proud
incongruous, like a stylised perch for a canary in a cage
But I still wonder why sonnet if nothing of a sonnet is left?
Thanks.
Gary
Dec Byron Sacre at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html... Writer's
Hood at http://www.writershood.com/... Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas
no!
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