Yes Gary I know what you are saying. like this version too. Bw Sally J
>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub Music from the stars
>Date: Fri, 13 Dec 2002 07:40:22 -0800
>
>Sally, I like the poem, but to me it contains too many words - articles,
>preps, verbs, connectors. I'm not suggesting minimal, but less. By
>example.
>
>The stab of a thorn,
>a hole in the air,
>let music flow straight
>beat kept like an old drum
>
>Rythmn is captured in long grass
>pale spring blossoms
>budding leaves crotchets on trees
>I have heard them sing
>
>Good luck.
>
>Gary
>
>Dec Byron Sacre at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html... Writer's
>Hood at http://www.writershood.com/... Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí,
>balas
>no!
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