Hello Ann,
          Thanks for your comments on this piece. I´m considering your suggestions carefully. I´m already in agreement with your assessment of the final three lines which I have rewritten. Do you think this is any improvement?

And for just a few days
a balance will be won
before flux resumes, sap freezes, snow falls.

Do all those `f´ and `s´ sounds work? Do they sound muffled, like snow? Should I use returns instead of resumes?
I think I´m going to retitle it as `A Short Summer ...´



Best wishes,  Mike



--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---

 Dear Mike this is lovely. You don't need to mention the silence, it comes 
through with the image. If this were mine, and I am very concious that it 
isn't, worse luck , I should amend it as below as I feel it would add to the 
poem's flow. For me this is important as I use poetry in my work with 
learning disability students and the flow when reading it out loud is 
important to them. As ever, ignore if this makes no sense 
                                     regards Ann

> A short summer,
> but warm enough to melt the snow on north-facing slopes.
> 
> Mosquitoes whined and brown water oozed
> round the roots of water plants in bogs.
> The forgetful hills waited.                            .......remove line
> Meanwhile small yellow flowers bloomed     ........remove meanwhile
> on their stony sides, greylings made rings   ........remove line
> where streams slid under dwarf willow.
> 
> In August clouds gathered,
> pitting black water with raindrops.
> Then wind brought the shock of cold            .......remove next three 
> lines
> and greens leached into the air.
> For two weeks land and weather contended.
> 
> One morning a pale sun rose in a clear sky ........remove one morning. 
> perhaps add
>                                                                             
>                         until??

> and the day was still.
> Pools were set in a bezel of ice,
> delicate as eggshell, transparent as glass.
> The sky was a bell, the hard earth
> a sounding board and the air like crystal
> where every note rang twice
> with its immediate echo.
> The sound that surprised you,                           .......remove 'that 
> surprised you'
> which you couldn´t at first place,
> was a leaf dropping through branches,
> brushing its steadfast neighbours
> which had been transformed to reds                       .....remove 'which 
> had been'
> and yellows, blues and orange,
> each leaf fringed with crystals
> that the white sun could not melt.
> 
> And for just a few days the coloured hillsides                 lose the 
> last three lines.
> and valleys will glitter like Aladdin´s cave
> as they patiently wait in silence.
> 
> 
>