Hi Ann,
I really like the first part! There's so much sureness in how it says
things.
Maybe the second part has a lot less certainty to it... and so doesn't feel
as strong (words like "most" and "may" don't seem to work for me after the
more direct statement-like this-is-how-it-is-ness of the first one)
And in the first one, do you need a full stop after women?
And how would you feel if you just had the first one standing on its own?
And, I've just thought, with the 2nd one... it might be that the 4 line
stanzas ain't right. It "might" be the shape of the stanzas! I feel the
lines are the right length but there's something about how the poem feels
that doesn't feel as good as the first one.
Bob
>From: "V. W." <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub Returning from Market
>Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 08:30:36 EST
>
>Have just discovered 'Cesare Pavese' and am much taken with the stillness
>of
>his poems. They have the kind of light reflected in them that cannot be
>duplicated in Northern climates and if tried it mutates into something
>quite
>different in style, I have tried it with this new sub and wonder if it
>works
>and/or proves the theory.....Ann
>
>
>
>Returning from Market
>
>In the street
>a huge sky
>waits patiently
>the coming heat.
>
>In the field
>behind tall hedges
>boys and men
>gaze into the soft silence.
>
>They breath in
>the ripe
>scent of harvest,
>and wait.
>
>They wait
>for the jubilant
>laughter of women.
>Who return
>
>sure footed, graceful
>in their glowing colours,
>smelling of summer,
>of home.
>
> II
>
>At the works
>molten steel
>devours silence,
>sky and hedge.
>
>Sets hard
>in veins
>of boys and men.
>So that later
>
>in the club
>both will chose
>not to speak
>of empty kitchens
>
>and the fancy
>shopping trip
>to France.
>Feign indifference
>
>to the big
>blue bus.
>To the sound
>of air brakes
>
>and women
>chattering like starlings
>returned
>from distant lands.
>
>Alighting, most will go
>straight home
>to two days
>washing up.
>
>Others bolder may
>venture to the bar
>“Get’s an ‘alf love.”
>Scattering parcels
>
>and cut price fags.
>Nothing’s said,
>but a sense
>of settling closes
>
>as men and boys
>square shoulders,
>leave for houses
>become homes again.
>
>Ann Stockton
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