Hi Gary,
An intruiging narrative here! I agree with the comments others have made
about particular words - and the line with the numbers in!
I also felt, however, it seemed to run out of steam in the last five lines!
I felt I wanted more details (things that showed me the how/when/where/ of
"whenever she
>could save a few coins from egg sales,
>laundry, and bottle returns."
But not too many words! Just enough to put me in the picture...
Bob
>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: ustwo: Child Labor
>Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 13:47:27 -0800
>
>(When all else fails go back to your roots.)
>
>Remember when we were kids,
>sand shovels clutched in our dirty fists
>as we dug under the old maple stump
>that stood rotten near the front porch.
>Pa was gonna give us each a round dollar
>if we got it loose enough for him to move.
>He never told us it had a taproot that went
>clear to China, maybe even the North Pole.
>
>Summer, as old Sol beat down
>on our tow-heads, we dug so slow
>our grandchildren might've finished the job.
>Winter, we picked at the ground
>with ice axes when it was froze stiff
>and there was more snow to move than dirt.
>Fall, we dug when given the time,
>but much of the season was spent
>at harvest, hog-killing and canning.
>
>Spring, we made headway. Once the earth
>partly thawed, we hauled hunks of dirt
>out of that hole until we nearly wore
>the wheels off the old Tonka dumper
>Buddy gave us when he got old enough
>for real trucks, not toy. Absent from the dig
>only long enough to help plant beans
>and hoe, as the years passed by we made
>real headway, some help given by uncles
>and cousins to cut away the more troublesome roots.
>
>Eventually, we finished enough so a good pull
>with a spavin tractor could hank out the roots.
>I was 10 and a three, four months, you almost 9.
>Pa had left the previous summer, no letter left
>or received from him since.
>
>The cartwheels left with him. Ma paid
>us in pennies and nickels whenever she
>could save a few coins from egg sales,
>laundry, and bottle returns.
>
>Where ever Pa is, I hope it's on the end of short shovel.
>
>
>Dec Byron Sacre at: http://gardawg.homestead.com/gardawg.html... Writer's
>Hood at http://www.writershood.com/... Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí,
>balas
>no!
_________________________________________________________________
MSN 8 with e-mail virus protection service: 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
|