Thanks Barbara. Glad you liked it. My clumsy keyboard fingers.



bw
James





>From: Barbara Ostrander <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Relative Positions
>Date: Sat, 30 Nov 2002 09:32:13 EST
>
>Comments below, again, James.  Hope something helps.
>
>Barbara Ostrander
>
>
> > Another one of my rough cuts for c&c.
> >
> > RELATIVE POSITIONS
> >
> > The most excting evnt to happen all day**typos (2)
> > was first thing in the morning
> > driving along on the same road
> > at the same time
> > seeing the same cars emerge
> > from the same junctions
> > at the same time**delete this line, you a said it in line 4.
> > or pass in th same places**typo
> > the same people***try flipping this around.  'or pass the same people in
> > the same places...'
> > walk by on the same stretch
> > at intervals on the journey
> > when a pigeon appeard**typo
> > flew down or out from somewhere**came down from somewhere (delete flew,
>you
> > use it in the next line.)
> > and flew alongside the car on my side
> > for a good half mile
> > at the same speed
> > a clumsy bird on the ground
> > now in its natural element
> >
> > We took flight together for a few seconds
> > though our relative positions
> > could not be sustained** really liked this final stanza, wrapped the
>whole
> > poem up nicely.  Perfect.
> >
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
> >
> >
>


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