Hi Terri,
Thanks for your comments. I´ll give the repetition of `that´ in the final couplet some thought. You suggest changing the first `that´ to `it´ so do you mean removing the whole phrase - that bar of soap? It has to be, or am I misunderstanding. If the whole phrase goes, it has a considerable effect on the rhythm. This problem of recurring words is a big one though, and it often crops up I find.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
evocative
I can almost smell the wet concrete mixed with blood and fear
tweaks:-
I want to change the penultimate line - get rid of 'that' and use 'it' -
more 'eternal here-and-now' in keeping with the unconscious impact of this
kind of remembering
and which might also make the final 'that' less irritating and more as I
expect you intend it to be.
Terri )O(
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
Behalf Of Mike Horwood
Sent: 20 November 2002 13:06
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: New sub Cleansed
Cleansed
These things always reminded him:
cold water hitting the flat bottom of an enamel sink,
the feel of a bar of soap embedded with grit,
the trickle of water conducted along an open gutter
in a bare concrete floor.
These things never failed to remind him of this:
the disinfectant smell of that bar of soap
and of how he had washed his hands of all that
Mike
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