Dear Ryfkah,
    I'm afraid the format you've used felt a bit scrappy and distracting to
me. If you're going to use capitals, then I don't see the point of leaving
out the periods.
A few comments below.
Kind regards,
  grasshopper

----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, November 24, 2002 9:14 PM
Subject: There Is a Season
> There Is a Season
>
> The mother peers out water beaded pane
 I think you need a preposition here- peers out of?.
water-beaded would be clearer)
 Ambivalent
(this is a problematic word, as it's so interpretative. Betetr to let
readers find the ambivalence for themselves)
> tears swell eyes
> She dreams of small children
>
> Jade hummingbird wings
> whisper above purple sage
> Near winter's first rain
> rivers down hillside
(I think the connection between this line and the preceding one is unclear)
>
> Indian summer fires
> amber leaves   Birds of Paradise
> yawn tangerine blooms
(Do the Birds of Paradise really yawn tangerine blooms?)
> Light narrows in shadow
>
> Her grown-up children
> flutter   She watches
> them like bright balloons
> connect to the universe
(How exactly do bright balloons connect to the universe? The image doesn't
seem helpful or revealing to me)
>
> Ryfkah 11/24/02
>

> There Is a Season
>
> The mother peers out water beaded pane   Ambivalent
> tears swell eyes
> She dreams of small children
>
> Jade hummingbird wings
> whisper above purple sage
> Near winter's first rain
> rivers down hillside
>
> Indian summer fires
> amber leaves   Birds of Paradise
> yawn tangerine blooms
> Light narrows in shadow
>
> Her grown-up children
> flutter   She watches
> them like bright balloons
> connect to the universe
>
> Ryfkah 11/24/02
>