Thanks Christina. I need riding I think though I'll incorporate the rest.
bw
James
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Pitch
>Date: Wed, 20 Nov 2002 13:03:26 EST
>
>What a smashing title, James. I like the poem and I like the repetition.
>A
>few thoughts below. Chuck 'em to the gulls if they don't make sense.
>bw
>christina
>
>
> > PITCH
> >
> > Nothing beyond the ship (riding) lights *** do you need riding? It
>trips
> > me up a bit.
> > except for specks of others like fire flies
> > in the far distance
> > that should not exist upon the sea *** survive?
> > like you and me
> > though we are on deck
> > watching the (ship's) white wash *** not sure whether 'ship's' is
>necessary
> > on a glacial sea
> > watching ourselves journey together
> > watching us smile at each other
> > watching how we hold hands
> > on deck and walk on together
> > one of those moments we want
> > to last forever
> >
> > no sunset to gaze into ** into sounds a bit clumsy, though I know why
> > you've chosen it. How about 'at'?
> > though we are together
> > pitched between land
> > and land and will land
> > in the future beyond
> > the present dark sea
> >
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
>
>
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