In a message dated 11/20/2002 7:09:39 AM Central Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
<<
These things always reminded him: delete to avoid redundancy at end.
cold (delete?) Start here?water hitting the flat bottom of an enamel sink,
(Delete?)
the feel of a bar of soap embedded with grit,
the trickle of water conducted along an open gutter ( Can you think of a
better word? or just through an open gutter)
in a bare concrete floor.
These things never failed to remind him of this:
the disinfectant smell of that bar of soap (or just the smell of
disinfectant?)
and of how he had washed his hands of all that >>
Now let's try it on for sound and sense:
Water hitting the bottom of an enamel sink,
the trickle of water through an open gutter
in a bare concrete floor,
the feel of a bar of soap embedded with grit--
these things never failed to remind him
of the smell of disinfectant,
and of how he had washed his hands
of all of that.
I hope you will forgive me for my heavy tampering, just wanted
to see what the revision might accomplish. It is your poem, and your voice,
and you have to be true to that. Sue
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