The first time I read this, I thought it was about perfect. When I went
back I wondered about the water -- since everything else was busy being felt
or heard or something -- but I suppose that 'cold' implies your feeling it,
to know that it was cold.
Nancy
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
Behalf Of Mike Horwood
Sent: Wednesday, 20 November, 2002 7:14 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: New sub Cleansed - Nancy
Hello Nancy,
Thanks for your comments. Do you think that the word
`cold´ could work as the sensation element in that first stanza? I didn´t
want to start more lines with `the + noun´. The absence of the final
fullstop is a typo, it should be there.
Best wishes, Mike
--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
I liked this very much. For symmetry, you might consider putting a sound or
sensation before cold water? as you have for the other things that are
reminders. I liked the simple sensory details, and the decisiveness of the
ending. I'd put a full stop at the end, since you have punctuated the rest,
and since it is talking about an ending.
Nancy
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
Behalf Of Mike Horwood
Sent: Wednesday, 20 November, 2002 6:36 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: New sub Cleansed
Cleansed
These things always reminded him:
cold water hitting the flat bottom of an enamel sink,
the feel of a bar of soap embedded with grit,
the trickle of water conducted along an open gutter
in a bare concrete floor.
These things never failed to remind him of this:
the disinfectant smell of that bar of soap
and of how he had washed his hands of all that
Mike
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