Hi Christina,
                  I`m just trying to clear the backlog of emails after the weekend and I haven´t had a chance yet to look at what others might have commented. Also, this is a first reaction rather than carefully considered so I hope I don´t make any blunders. I like the idea of setting the poem as an ear in a queue overhearing bits and pieces of conversations. I was going to say that I felt the need to provide links between the separate bits, but I´ve just started to notice that there are some - the `film of drizzle´ linking to the `late night session´ of a cinema queue. And the rain in `Johnny Rainbow´, `drizzle´ and `right as rain´. Yes, these work well. It´s nice that they are linguistic links rather than subject, which might be a bit heavy-handed. If you could find a couple more such linguistic echoes to join other parts of the poem I think it would give it a tighter, more unified feel. Or maybe you already have and I´ve overlooked them. There were some cultural references here that I missed, not having lived in UK for 20 years, `a pony blown on gee gees´ means nothing to me. That´s not a criticism, of course, I imagine it´s a phrase that refers to a pop song or tv. Same with Bepe and Dirty Den. Maybe knowing the reference would also provide some link to the other parts of the poem, but for me they are quite disparate elements. It would be nice to get stanza 2 into 2 lines as well. What about :
   She loves the voices; the river burning through a film of drizzle,
   Patois bit parts, chips and spliffs, flashing trainers.



Best wishes,   Mike



--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---



             Queue


             He's whistling 'Johnny Rainbow' and she doesn't mind the convoys
             or Chelle and Sharon glued to Gameboys.

             She loves their voices; the way the river's burning
             through a film of drizzle - Patois bit parts, chips and spliffs
and flashing trainers.

             Someone's talking haldi, jeera and mum's chapatis
             and there's a mobile's hope and glory,

             a pony blown on gee gees.  I never saw him.
             Remember Bepe?  And Dirty Den?

             The child had meningitis. The doctors said touch and go
             but he's right as rain now

             and the lights are on across the water -  late night session.
             No, touch it, touch it, she says.  It's real.






             christina fletcher












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