Hello Ryfkah,
There was an atmosphere that I liked in this poem although I got a bit lost at some points, not being quite sure of the connection between phrases. I wonder if you have cut this down from a longer earlier version? I wonder if you might have cut too much. This seems to be becoming something of a debate issue. I´m in the wordy camp myself so maybe I´m not a good reader of more compact poems. I liked the last two lines a lot.
Best wishes, Mike
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