Hi Mike
Yes i agree about music, rhythm being crucial but too much repetition of
'how' etc can slow this. I know if you cut too much (and I was only making
suggestions of where you might look)you lose the substance of the poem. But
sometimes if you cut here and there a new rhythm emerges.
i'm not against abstraction, reasoning, science, philosophy in a poem (I've
studied philosophy)as long as there is a rhythm of thinking. I thought your
poem was on the verge of doing that
BW
Christine
-----Original Message-----
From: Mike Horwood
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: 13/11/02 09:27
Subject: Re Bang - Christine
Hello Christine,
Thanks for your comments and suggestions. Other
people have made similar comments about other poems and I begin to
realise that my style is definitely a lot more wordy than many people
write in themselves, or even like to read. Conversely, I sometimes feel
when I read work posted on the list or in magazines that it has been cut
back so far that thereīs not much more than a list of images. In the end
I guess this just comes down to individual taste and preferences. Some
of the cuts you suggest here, especially in the first stanza, feel to me
as if they would break up the rhythm and flow. I was aiming at a rather
excited, breathless speaking voice. But perhaps more interesting than
the virtues of specific cuts in this poem is the general question of
just how bare/ minimalist/ precise a poem needs to be. I donīt want to
be misunderstood as advocating pointless repetition or strings of
adjectives, but I would like to ask this; can words be used purely to
carry the rhythm of the line and for the pleasure of the sound their
letters make in combination with other words? Is it justifiable to use a
redundant word purely for its musical quality? I would be interested in
hearing any opinions on this point.
Best wishes, Mike
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