Hello Christine,
Thanks for your comments and suggestions. Other people have made similar comments about other poems and I begin to realise that my style is definitely a lot more wordy than many people write in themselves, or even like to read. Conversely, I sometimes feel when I read work posted on the list or in magazines that it has been cut back so far that thereīs not much more than a list of images. In the end I guess this just comes down to individual taste and preferences. Some of the cuts you suggest here, especially in the first stanza, feel to me as if they would break up the rhythm and flow. I was aiming at a rather excited, breathless speaking voice. But perhaps more interesting than the virtues of specific cuts in this poem is the general question of just how bare/ minimalist/ precise a poem needs to be. I donīt want to be misunderstood as advocating pointless repetition or strings of adjectives, but I would like to ask this; can words be used purely to carry the rhythm of the line and for the pleasure of the sound their letters make in combination with other words? Is it justifiable to use a redundant word purely for its musical quality? I would be interested in hearing any opinions on this point.
Best wishes, Mike
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