Thanks Grassy-I'll think more about this
BW
C
> -----Original Message-----
> From: grasshopper [SMTP:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: 11 November 2002 19:50
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: sub-secret
>
> Dear Christine,
> There's certainly a lot to be absorbed here. The info is almost
> telescoped,
> and the poem moves back and forward in time, all in a few short space. The
> first and last stanzas are the 'chewy' ones, but S2 and 3 are very relaxed
> and descriptive in contrast, I felt this gave a rather unbalanced feel to
> the poem-as if they are from 2 different poems and don't integrate
> completely.
> My favourite line in the poem was the ironical one about the daughter
> being
> name Verity, when the theme seems to be deception.
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Bousfield, Christine [CES]" <[log in to unmask]>>
> Sent: Sunday, November 10, 2002 5:38 PM
> Subject: sub-secret
>
>
> > Dear All
> > an oldish poem revised a few times. Folk tell me it's too short for all
> that
> > information and they want to hear from uncle-but I'm stuck and I like
> the
> > almost sonnet look. What do you think?
> > BW
> > Christine
> >
> > Secret
> >
> > Her twins lived a few hours; her daughter,
> > named Verity for a dead sister,
> > married a young airman in New York State
> > who deserted for a bimbo on the Internet.
> >
> > My aunt strained her eyes penning airmail,
> > washable blue Quink in sloping letters,
> > knitting tea-cosies and babies' leggings,
> > baking fatless sponges for chapel bazaars.
> >
> > We slept on clouds of goose feathers
> > in their attic in County Durham,
> > white lace pillowslips scented like gardens;
> >
> > I never cared for her much after Gretchen,
> > Uncle said at her funeral. Should've stayed
> > in Germany in forty five. We never got on.
> >
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