Thanks Sally. I'm new at this and don't feel comfortable in the form yet,
plus typos don't help. I like the idea of the stanza break in the fourth
line and will keep the turn in the eighth as required. I need to work at my
seamlessness.
bw
James
>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Fishing, Not Fishing
>Date: Sat, 9 Nov 2002 23:40:37 +0000
>
>James, what I feel about this is that you are enjoying the separate lines
>too much. In a sonnet the line splits seem accidental because the argument
>runs very directly in sentences that usually run over several lines. This
>has caused an emphasis in your piece on line-end words. Your first twelve
>lines seem to want to be three stanzas of four liness each, and this
>contributes to the ending seeming lost.
>bw
>SallyE
>
>
>on 9/11/02 11:41 am, James Bell at [log in to unmask] wrote:
>
> > After about five or six years seriously working at this lark I finally
> > manage to produce a sonnet. There are those who are serial sonneteers on
> > here and I am in awe at heir skill. Tell me what you think.
> >
> > FISHING, NOT FISHING
> >
> > With the tide out on the estuary
> > both sides have drawn closer,
> > taunt for anglers, geese, seasoned loungers
> > in the sun. Each have a separate vestiary.
> > Their attention to water level
> > is much older than their passing moment,
> > with occasional attention to ambient
> > movement, though neither cares for dazzle.
> >
> > Neither cares about being picturesque
> > or watches background colour or shade,
> > the Spey cast her would be burlesque -
> > what come naturally is done without aid.
> > Fish too avoid unsavoury arabesqu;
> > all distain, with perfect ease, the cliche'd.
> >
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE*
> > http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
_________________________________________________________________
Tired of spam? Get advanced junk mail protection with MSN 8.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
|