I had a look at the sub-text and thought it fine. Now you mention it I was
dazzled more by your poetic ability than subject but as Don Marquis's archy
said of mehitabel "wot the hell, wot the hell there's life in the old girl
yet". Now this is meant kindly.
bw
James
>From: Nancy Gandhi <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Sub: Summer Afternoon
>Date: Mon, 11 Nov 2002 14:14:23 +0530
>
>Hi James,
>I would have expected you to disapprove of this for its inconsequentiality!
>(that is a word, isn't it?) Thanks for the suggestions -- I liked 'slowly'
>for the rhythm, but I take your point about 'exactly.' Sorry to hear about
>your spider.
>Nancy
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
>Behalf Of James Bell
>Sent: Monday, 11 November, 2002 2:13 PM
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Sub: Summer Afternoon
>
>
>How lovely to have you back after such a long time Nancy. This poem is well
>up to par for you and conveys the impression of a langorous time. Poems can
>always improve though. A couple of tweeks in the last stanza perhaps.
>Losing
>"exactly" and "slowly" would help as youhave already established the
>atmosphere earlier and don't need this emphasis. My spider never won any
>prizes by the way.
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
> > Summer Afternoon
> >
> >Flies land and take off from my knee,
> >run aground and sweating
> >in a bright gul mohur’s shade.
> >
> >It’s too hot to swat them,
> >too hot to think Tamil,
> >talk vegetables with the cook,
> >understand the maid’s tale
> >of disaster on the roof.
> >Our mouths open and shut.
> >Decisions must be made.
> >I’m dull as the red-jowled chameleon
> >doing pushups on a branch.
> >
> >The gardener’s broom swishes
> >underneath a neighbour’s singing lesson:
> >An exactly quavered line repeated
> >in a fainter, younger voice.
> >Each phrase ends on a higher note
> >like the slowly seeping day,
> >just one more step, or maybe two, away
> >from resolution.
> >
> >Nancy Gandhi
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