Hi James,
I can only read this in a jerky fashion... I remember reading somewhere that
Seamus Heaney thought of a sonnet as having muscles and sinews - and was a
kind of living thing with 3 distinct parts to it (4 parts if you include the
title!) - but this sometimes feels as if it's been sewn together like
Frankenstein. It might be that you've focused too much on the rhymes. I mean
estuary/vestiary and picturesque/burlesque/arabesque and mega big sound
blocks to incorporate.
I've got a sonnet about fishing in the book that's been mentioned a few
times (All We Know Is What We See - hint-hint, tell your library if you want
and wait for it to turn up - or...) - and I consciously worked to avoid
end-line-rhyme in each sonnet in the whole sequence. I was told I was
focusing on rhythm (and my avoidence of end-line-rhyme enabled other
rhythmical features to emerge) and I can remember thinking that rhyme
patterns really determine the conclusion of sonnets (- so that's one of the
reasons why I avoided them!). I also experimented in where I put the turn
and (even) how many lines were in the final couplet! All the time I was
trying to get to the "feel" of a sonnet rather than the formula used in
previous centuries.
I think Wordsworth was the big guy in Nature Sonnets but I enjoyed Auden's
sonnets, too! But, as with all poetry, reading widely is often a good way of
reading well. But I'm wandering now...
With your piece I'd also query the word "attention" being used twice!
I do, however, feel that this piece belongs to a real world that includes
people and water and fish! Some sonnets sometimes feel as if they're toys.
Bob
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Fishing, Not Fishing
>Date: Sat, 9 Nov 2002 11:41:52 +0000
>
>After about five or six years seriously working at this lark I finally
>manage to produce a sonnet. There are those who are serial sonneteers on
>here and I am in awe at heir skill. Tell me what you think.
>
>FISHING, NOT FISHING
>
>With the tide out on the estuary
>both sides have drawn closer,
>taunt for anglers, geese, seasoned loungers
>in the sun. Each have a separate vestiary.
>Their attention to water level
>is much older than their passing moment,
>with occasional attention to ambient
>movement, though neither cares for dazzle.
>
>Neither cares about being picturesque
>or watches background colour or shade,
>the Spey cast her would be burlesque -
>what come naturally is done without aid.
>Fish too avoid unsavoury arabesqu;
>all distain, with perfect ease, the cliche'd.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
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